What If My Child Becomes Too Dependent on the DC4K Leader?
Category: Newly divorced
People have asked, "How do you keep children from becoming too attached to their DC4K leaders, too dependent on them, and wanting them to take the place of their parent?" As a single parent you may also have this concern. This article will give you insights on how DC4K circumvents that concern
By Linda Ranson Jacobs
www.dc4k.org/parentzone
This question has been asked of several DC4K leaders. A seasoned leader from Texas responded, "With DC4K I don't think you are going to have to worry about that. When a church runs DC4K like it is intended, they will be creating emotionally healthy children. The children will not need to be dependent on the leaders to meet all of their needs. They will become attached to the leaders, but in a healthy way."
This leader was right. DC4K was created to assist the children of divorce in their healing process. In the past, society and our churches have not helped children heal. The phrase "children are resilient" has been echoed in schools, churches and homes for years. While children are resilient, they need help healing and processing the divorce of their parents.
We are seeing that children in DC4K groups are exhibiting self-respect, emotional independence and a healthier self-esteem. They are becoming more comfortable about how and when to talk to their parent about the divorce issue. They are also realizing they have a heavenly Father in God and He will never leave them or forsake them. They are developing a relationship with and finding a friend and Savior in Jesus Christ.
A DC4K group should be set up to replicate a large family environment so children will feel they are part of a larger community. They will have opportunities to help other children, as well as ask others for assistance for themselves. They will learn to meet some of their own needs versus feeling helpless and wanting an adult to meet their needs for them. In other words they become "helpful" instead of being "helpless."
When all of these elements are in place, children will not need to be dependent upon their DC4K leaders. They will not want someone else to take the parent's place in their lives. There may be exceptions to this periodically, but these are children who may need more intensive help than can be received in DC4K.
If you are still concerned about your own child, make an appointment with the people at your church who run the DC4K program. Sit down and visit with them about your concerns and about your child. Keep the mindset that you are enrolling your child in a program that is going to assist you with creating an emotionally healthy child. DC4K leaders can be your child's friends and they can develop a
positive and healthy relationship that will benefit your child in other relationships in his or her life.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says, "Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up" (NKJV).
Allow your church friends and your child's DC4K leaders to walk alongside you and your child. You don't have to be alone as you raise your child. You can be your child's parent and be there for him or her, and other strong Christian adults can be your companion and help you when you fall.
© MMV by the author and/or Church Initiative. All rights reserved. Reproducible when used in conjunction with a DivorceCare or DC4K ministry.
Linda Ranson Jacobs created and developed the DivorceCare for Kids program.
To find out more about DivorceCare for Kids or to find a DC4K group near you, go to www.dc4k.org.